There is a phenomenon that occurs in my house that I have decided requires discussion. I desperately want to know if other families experience this insane, mind-boggling event.
Now, clutch your pearls, Mabel, because this is some wild and crazy shit coming…
Why is it that despite cleaning my kitchen and living room ALL DAY, when I finally glance up from the pile of paper towels and my bleached bloody knuckles… every other room is my house is a hot mess? It is almost like there’s a bunch of little Douche-Goblins that live in my walls—they rotate rooms each day, deciding on a whim what natural disaster will befall it.
For example, the Master Bedroom will be cleaned top to bottom—clothes folded and put away (a fantastic feat), bed made, floor swept and mopped, hell I might even dust (crazy, amiright?!). The very next day I will spend cleaning the crap out of the living room, naively thinking, “Yeah! Look at me, I am a DOMESTIC FUCKING GODDESS, Look at this room! Look at how amazing I am! I will have Not one, but TWO rooms spotless tonight! I will do a third tomorrow and it will be glorious!” I am a fool.
Upon finishing said Living Room I will go to fall heavily into my soft, lovingly-made bed—except, “NO!”, I proclaim into the void– you know what actually happens? I land on all the clothes, knick-knacks, charger cords, pillows, DVDs, etc. that I found while cleaning the Living Room and just threw on my bed or on my floor to clean later.
……I think I just figured out who the Douche-Goblin might be.
I am totally the Douche-Goblin.